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How to Survive Your Fifteen Minutes of Fame/Chapter One
Chapter One: Lights... Camera... Pilot! “Chris McLean! Chris McLean! Chris McLean!” A swarm of people stood in front of an ornate black and gold gate, the chorus of their voices chanting a name that dominated the media. Many members of the crowd jumped or waved their arms to the rhythm of the chant, while others held signs over their heads that presented phrases such as “Bring back the drama!” or “We wanna be famous!” “Move it, move it, out of my way!” The sea of fans was forcibly parted when a woman with a head of voluminous, dirty blonde curls shoved her way towards the gate. She paid no mind to the several people that she pushed to the ground, stepping over or occasionally on top of them with her gold heels. When she reached the gate, she smoothed out her mini-dress and pulled a microphone from behind her back. When a man with a camera elbowed his way to the front of the crowd, she gave him a billboard ready grin. “Are we rolling?” She hissed through perfect teeth. The cameraman nodded, and the blonde began to speak in the overly dramatic voice of a woman who could only be a television personality. “This is Rachel Claire of RealityGossip coming to you live from outside of the newly opened McLean Studios. In just a few moments, the highly anticipated new season of Total Drama is going to begin! The hit reality show is finally back after five years of waiting, and fans from all over the world have gathered in front of McLean Studios to try to get a glimpse of the cast and the infamous host. However, only RealityGossip will be able to get an inside look on the season, so-” Rachel Claire’s speech was interrupted when the gates behind her started to slowly creak open. She turned around just as a spotlight flicked on from inside the film lot. A figure stood directly in front of the light, his long shadow cast over the flock of fans. “Looks like the drama is already starting!” Rachel Claire hollered, though her voice was swallowed by the roar of the crowd. The volume of the cheering only increased as the man approached the mob. Once he passed through the opened gate, the spotlight shut off to reveal the handsome face of Chris McLean. “Welcome to Major City!” He shouted, a clipped-on microphone amplifying his voice well over the deafening volume of the crowd. “Man, have we got a show planned for you! Who’s ready for a whole new season of danger?!” The cheering somehow grew even louder, and Chris’s smile widened. “How about some crazy challenges?!” A few rowdy teenage boys in the front row began pumping their fists and howling. “Some comedy?!” A woman a few rows back passed out in excitement. “Maybe a bit of romance?!” A group of young women shouted a marriage proposal to the host. “Most importantly …” Chris took his trademarked dramatic pause. “Are you ready for some drama?!” Rachel Claire was trampled by the fans that were scrambling to get closer to the host, and Chris McLean let out his infamous cackle. “Then welcome to Total … Drama … Island: For Your Entertainment!” The host stepped aside and the horde of fans charged onto the film lot as a familiar tune began to play. (Theme Song) “Hey, hands off the merchandise, bra!” The camera focused on Chris, who was prying a rabid fan off of his arm. “It takes time and money to look this good, so I can’t have you messing up my hair!” When he finally dislodged the admirer from his body, he tossed her over the red velvet ropes that were retaining the rest of the mob. Chris wiped off his hands before looking back at the camera. “Now that that’s taken care of, welcome to McLean Studios! This wonderful film lot, named after and partially owned by the handsomest actor of the twenty-first century, is where the majority of the season will take place. I’d give you a tour of the place, but I’m lazy and we’re short on time, so you’ll just have to figure it out after a few episodes. Our twenty-two contestants will be arriving shortly via our high quality transportation services.” As if on cue, a junky bus pulled up at the curb and spit a murky gray cloud of smoke from its tailpipe. It had “Major City Public Transportation” plastered to its side, though somebody had painted “Sh” over the “C” in “City,” along with an extra “t.” “We blew a lot of the transportation budget on covering airfare, so they had to settle for riding in these death traps.” One of the bus’s tires started deflating with a hiss, and Chris snickered. “If only the producers had gone with my idea of swimming to the island for the first challenge.” “I think I’d have preferred that over the tin can that you forced us to ride in.” The camera zoomed in on the first contestant to exit the bus, a boy with a head of brown curls and a sneer on his lips. From his white button-down shirt tucked into his black slacks to the tie knotted around his neck, he looked as though he was ready to go to a semi-formal dance. “Is this how you treat all people with more money than you? If you do, then you must have some dirt poor friends.” “Who needs friends when you can have fans?” Chris’s smirk had managed to stay plastered to his face through the teen’s complaining. “Everybody, meet our first contestant, Gabe!” “Gabriel James Patterson the Fourth.” The curly-haired teen corrected. The host raised an eyebrow. “Dude, I’m either gonna call you ‘Gabe’ or ‘dude.’ It’s your choice.” The wealthy boy rolled his eyes. “Gabe it is, then.” “That’s what I thought.” When Gabe walked past the fans, he stuck up his nose and pushed away any hands that reached for him. That was when Chris noticed that the rich kid was missing something. “I’m probably going to regret asking this, but where’s your luggage?” “Did you really think I would put my designer suitcase on that bus’s gum-covered floor?” Gabe clapped his hands twice and a sleek, black car pulled up behind the bus. A middle-aged man in a suit exited the vehicle with a suitcase covered in travel stickers in one hand. Gabe pulled a wad of cash from his pocket and traded it with the man for the luggage. “Thank you, Wilton.” “My pleasure, sir.” The man climbed back into the car and drove off as fast as he had arrived, leaving the observing fans baffled. Predictably enough, Gabe seemed used to the attention and casually crossed his arms. “So, when are the other losers getting off the bus?” “Well, excuse you.” A tall, dark-skinned girl spoke from the doorway of the bus, her voice carrying a hint of a Boston twang. “We’ll see who the loser is once I'' win the million dollars.” “Welcome to McLean Studios, Risty.” Chris greeted as the newcomer slung a large duffle bag over her shoulder and gracefully hopped off of the bus. Risty’s red and white letterman jacket and the soccer ball tucked under her arm hinted that she was an athlete, though the most notable feature about her was definitely her hairstyle. The natural, dark brown mane fell in tight curls both downward and outward, creating a cloud-like shape around her that bounced with every step she took. “''You’re the one that called me a loser?” Risty asked Gabe, a playful grin tugging at her lips despite the frustration in her words. “This game isn’t made for pretty boys.” Gabe rolled his eyes. “I didn’t know my uncle’s poodle was on the show.” “You’re lucky I’m not meaner, because I don’t know how well that bushy hair’d protect your head from my soccer ball.” Risty held the white and black sphere in front of her, and Gabe self-consciously adjusted his hair. “As much as I love drama, could you maybe save this for later?” Chris suggested. “I still have twenty contestants to introduce.” “Make that nineteen.” Another girl exited the bus, though she seemed to be Risty’s polar opposite. The new arrival’s pale skin sharply contrasted the dark hair that hung around her face, and she was petite enough that she could probably fit inside the large suitcase that she rolled behind her. “Meet Belladonna.” Chris introduced. “It’s just Donna.” The brunette stated, passing by the host and the other contestants with neither eye contact nor a smile. “Huh. Okay then.” Chris shrugged and turned back to the bus. “Hey, Camille!” “Hello there, Mr. McLean.” A girl with curled black hair and Asian features exited the bus, a suitcase in one hand and a red purse in the other. She had impeccable posture as she approached Chris, her long, black and red gown skimming the pavement with her steps. “Wow, so this is what a bus stop looks like!” “ … A bus stop?” Gabe repeated. “Of course!” Camille examined the sets around her with a look of pure wonder. “Where else would a bus drop me off?” “Um, actually, this is a film set.” Chris spoke slowly as if he was talking to a child, though his words still didn’t seem to get through to Camille. “You know, where we’re shooting the show?” No response. “Where you’ll be staying for the next however many weeks you’re in the competition?” The raven-haired girl cocked her head slightly, and Chris waved a hand at her. “I give up. It’s a bus stop.” “I knew it! This is my first time riding a bus, but I know how this works.” Camille turned to the other three contestants and gave them a princess wave. “Hello, my name is Camille Lin. It is a pleasure meeting all of you, as I’ve never met real life poor people before.” “I am anything but poor!” Gabe stuck up his nose at the comment. Donna shrugged in a manner that suggested she’d heard worse, and Risty put a hand on Camille’s shoulder. “Girl, you have a lot to learn.” “Yeah, she doesn’t get out much.” Chris glanced back at the bus and gave a laugh. “Speaking of socially awkward, here’s Paul!” A boy wearing a forest green polo shirt emerged from the bus with a bright smile on his face. Though his dark hair and features suggested that he had some Asian blood, his eyes were as green as his shirt, which hinted at a mixed heritage. “'Socially awkward?'” Paul repeated, slinging a giant pack onto his back. “What makes you say that?” “I don’t know, man, maybe the whole Boy Scout thing?” Chris said with a laugh. “Hey, that is nothing to be ashamed of!” Paul straightened out his posture and put his right hand up in a three fingered salute. “I’ve been scouting since I was a kid, and it’s turned me into an honest, mature man.” “I don’t think it’s called the Man Scouts.” Risty giggled. Paul’s smile barely faltered. “You just wait. I’ll prove to you that scouting isn’t just for kids and it definitely doesn’t make me socially awk-” A gasp interrupted the do-gooder’s speech. “Oh, it smells much better out here than on that bus!” Paul turned around to the sound of the Russian-accented voice only for his jaw to drop at the golden-haired goddess stepping off of the bus. This vision in black and pink was as slender as a Hollywood starlet with legs that went on for miles. She had a strong jaw and a sharp, clearly Eastern European nose, though these features were balanced out by plush lips and hooded blue eyes. The blonde walked up to Paul and extended a hand. “Hello, my name is Irina.” Paul stumbled over his words as he reached a wobbling hand out to shake Irina’s. “P-P-Paul. I’m Paul.” “Pleased to meet you.” Irina gave him a smile, and Paul’s eyes practically turned into hearts. “Irina is the younger sister of Renata Rostropovich, the Russian supermodel infamous for throwing phones, ripping out weaves, and drinking any man under the table.” Chris explained. “It looks like the bombshell gene runs in the family.” “That is definitely not the introduction that I wanted, but thank you I guess.” Irina headed to stand beside the other contestants, Paul regaining his composure and joining her a minute later. “Okay, please welcome contestant number seven, Zack!” Chris McLean and the six arrived contestants stared at the bus door, which remained empty. “I said … Zack!” Chris increased the volume of his voice, though nobody emerged from the vehicle. The host huffed and peeked in through the door. “Zack, where are- HEY!” Chris fell to the ground as a little yellow and orange helicopter zoomed over his head. The vehicle did a few loops in the air, the spectating fans breaking into cheers at the miniature air show. When Chris got back on his feet, the helicopter flew back at his face, sending him back onto the ground with a girlish squeal. The helicopter circled once around the host before landing in the palm of the small boy standing on the bus steps. The boy had an adorable freckled face, which contrasted with his shock of bleached hair and stretched ears. His shirt and shoes were a blinding shade of neon green, and the logo printed across his chest bore the name of a science fiction program. “What the hell was that?!” Chris screamed, still curled into a partial fetal position. Zack pulled a remote with a long antenna out from behind his back. “It’s just my remote control helicopter that I built on the bus ride over. Neat, isn’t it?” The narcissist glared. “You could have messed up my hair! Or maybe even killed me!” “Hey, it was just a joke.” The inventor offered the host a hand, but Chris pushed it away and got up on his own. Seeing the host’s annoyance, Zack joined the other contestants and shot a toothy grin at Irina. “Nice try, kid.” Irina said. “Try again when you’re older.” “Hey, I’m seventeen!” Zack insisted. “Then try again when you’re taller.” The model let out a good-natured laugh, and the vertically-challenge inventor pulled a pen from one of his bags and began to scribble a design for a pair of stilts on his inner arm. With a popping noise, the bus started its engine up again and pulled away from the studio, hopefully heading to an auto body shop to repair its flat tire. A second, equally trashed bus drove in behind it, its front bumper coming loose and hitting the ground with a clank when it shifted into park. Its doors opened with a hiss, and a boy in a crooked orange baseball cap leaped out. The dark-skinned boy weaved between the other seven contestants while dribbling a basketball, his jeans sagging low enough to reveal his checkered boxers. “Yeaaaaah buddy!” He exclaimed, miming the motions for a lay-up and tossing the ball in the air. “Eric Stoneleigh makes another basket! He’ll be this year’s first draft pick for sure!” “He’s doing good, right?” Camille asked, politely clapping for the jock despite her confusion. The other contestants just stared at the newcomer as he accepted an imaginary trophy. “I really don’t think Eric needs more of an introduction than that.” Chris stated. When Eric resumed running in circles with his basketball, the host grabbed him by the sweatshirt hood and pulled him to a stop. “Chill, bra. You’re making me dizzy.” “Being around this much swag can do that to you.” Eric said, making several hand gestures to the camera. Though he probably meant to be making gang signs, he was just alternating between the “hang loose” gesture and “I love you” in sign language. “Um, Your Swaginess, you forgot your luggage.” A skinny girl with light brown skin struggled to drag a large suitcase to the top of the bus steps. “What’s in here, anyway? Rocks?” She pushed the suitcase with all of her strength, causing it to topple down the stairs. It hit the pavement at an awkward angle and popped open to reveal that, other than a few items of clothing, it actually was filled to the top with rocks. Eric received a number of blank stares, but he chose to ignore them as he walked over to retrieve his luggage. “Don’t hate on my rock collection!” He snarled. “Oh, I wasn’t ‘hating on’ anything!” The new girl skipped down the stairs with her own luggage in tow, giving the camera a better view of her. Her entire color palette seemed to be composed of different shades of tan and brown, with dark eyes peeking out from beneath deep brown bangs. She reached into Eric’s suitcase and pulled out a speckled rock. “In fact, these rocks are wonderful! I’m guessing from the amount of Manhattan schist in here that you’re from New York City?” “Born and raised.” Eric replied before snatching the rock from her hand. “Now give that back!” The New Yorker gently placed the rock on top of the pile and zipped the bag up, marching rather proudly back towards the other contestants. “Everyone, this is Cara, this season’s nature lover.” Chris introduced the grinning girl. “It’s a pleasure to meet you all.” Cara greeted her fellow contestants when she joined the group. “I’m sure we’ll have a great time on the show.” Back at the bus, a handsome young man with golden blond hair poked his head through the doors, examining the area with wide brown eyes. He then slowly crept down the steps, his teeth clamped down on his lower lip and his eyes shifting back and forth nervously. He had a well-built frame beneath his t-shirt and overalls, though the frightened look on his face didn’t match his sculpted biceps. “What’s wrong with you?” asked the ever so tactful Gabe. The blond looked suspiciously from side to side once more before whispering in a thick Southern drawl, “I’m looking for the cameras.” “Why don’t we give Josh an extreme close up to welcome him to McLean Studios?” Chris waved the cameras closer with a cruel smirk. Unable to refuse the host’s demands, the cameramen stepped closer to Josh and zoomed their shots in on his face. The Southerner’s eyes grew to the size of dinner plates, and he let out a strangled yelp. His stance turned rigid until he became completely frozen in front of the cameras, not even breathing until it was completely necessary. Eventually, Chris walked over and clapped him on the back, which knocked him off balance. “Oh, you’re going to be so fun to mess with this season.” The host said with a giddy smile before pushing Josh to join the other contestants. As the Southerner tried to hide in the back of the group, another competitor stepped off of the bus. The new girl had a pair of gold plated sunglasses hiding her eyes, though her slightly hooked nose, pointed chin, and beautiful tan skin were in clear view. Her highlighted brown hair cascaded over her shoulders in gorgeous curls, and she sported a blue and tan outfit with golden accent pieces. She arched a well-sculpted brow at Josh. “What has tall, buff, and handsome so scared?” She asked. Josh was still too frightened to answer, so Paul spoke for him. “It’s the cameras.” The newcomer let out a short laugh and brushed her hair over her shoulder. “What kind of an idiot is camera shy and enters a reality show?” “Hey, there’s no need to be mean to the poor guy!” Risty defended the startled hunk. “Beautiful, confident people can afford to be mean sometimes,” The sharp-featured but beautiful girl stated, “and Elena Harks is not changing her attitude for anybody.” “Would that be Harks as in Harks Hotels?” Irina questioned. “Why of course.” When Elena turned towards Irina, her haughty expression faded, and she pulled her sunglasses on top of her head to get a better look at the model. “Are you Irina Rostropovich?” “Why of course.” The blonde mimicked the hotel heiress’s earlier response. “Nice sunglasses, by the way.” Elena frantically pulled the accessory from the top of her head and thrust it into Irina’s hands. “You can have them, I can afford another pair. I am, like, your sister’s number one fan! Ever since I saw her in LA Fashion Week I’ve been following all of the news on her. I even bought the entire season of The Helen D’Angelo Show just to see the episode where she threw water in Helen’s face!” “You can have these back then.” Irina returned the sunglasses to Elena with a grimace on her face. “The less I associate with Renata the better.” Elena's jaw dropped in disbelief. "But why?" “Well, she’s kind of a bi-” “Ladies, ladies,” A tanned young man in a plum-colored button up stepped in between the two beauties. He had floppy brown hair and sweet brown eyes, with an elegantly sloped nose and a thin frame. “There’s no reason to fight on our first day here.” Elena raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “And who exactly are you?” “Does my name really matter? What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” The newcomer received a blank look from Elena and Irina, as well as most of the other contestants. It was Donna who finally spoke up to break the silence. “Does nobody else recognize the tacky Shakespeare quote?” “That was Shakespeare?” Elena asked. Donna nodded. “Straight from Romeo and Juliet. He was pretty much flirting with you in the cheesiest way possible.” Elena and Irina both gave the supposed gentleman a dirty look, though he just shrugged. “It’s true. I couldn’t resist the opportunity to speak to a pair of beautiful ladies such as yourselves.” “Yo, Victor, cut the cheese!” Chris ordered. “It’s leaving a gross taste in my mouth.” “Oh my gosh, Chris McLean!” Another contestant rushed off of the bus in a blur of orange. She stopped less than a foot away from Chris, a huge smile stretched across her face. “I had no idea if you’d be introducing us or not, but I was praying and praying that you’d be the host this season! Can I hug you?” “Ha. No.” Chris took a few steps away from the girl, who seemed as quirky as her outfit. Her wavy hair was pulled into a crooked, ginger ponytail, and the sneakers and midriff-baring shirt that she wore were an even more intense shade of orange. As if the color choice didn’t stand out enough, she had accessorized with a yellow scarf tied around her waist, bracelets piled on each wrist, and several piercings in each ear. “Everyone, this is Minerva, clearly our new Sierra.” “Oh, no way am I like Sierra!” Minerva protested. “I might love the show, but I don’t think it’s, like, humanly possible to get that obsessed. I’ve checked out some of that girl’s blogs, and man she is just on a whole ‘nother level. The other day, she posted this picture of a pair of underwear that she’d stolen from Cody while she was on Total Drama World Tour and has kept since then. That means she’s had them for five years! I don’t think I’ve ever seen-” “Okay, okay, shut up.” Chris shoved the chatterbox off-screen. “How’s about we move on to our next contestant? Come on out, Robert!” The young man that exited the bus overtook every other contestant in both height and overall size, with broad shoulders and muscled arms that looked as though he could easily crush some of the smaller contestants with one hand. He wore a football jersey over his well-built frame, the number seventeen printed on his chest. He had close-cropped hair and, despite his intimidating size, had a wide, friendly smile on his face. “Robert’s a bit of a gentle giant, aren’t you?” The muscular teen didn’t seem to hear Chris and was looking up at the sky. “Um … Robert?” The athlete still didn’t seem to notice the host until he snapped his fingers several times directly in front of his face. “Earth to Robert!” “Oh, hey Chris!” Robert greeted him. “When’d you get here?” “Just a minute ago. Now go stand over with your competition, we’re running on a tight schedule.” Chris had to suppress a sigh as he shooed the footballer away, though Robert obeyed without question. When the daydreamer was out of earshot, the host leaned in to the camera with a surprisingly human look on his face. “Just so you guys at home know, Robert has some problems with his short-term memory and attention span. Dude had a bad hit to the head with a football and suddenly he was never the same. Even I feel bad for the guy, and I’m … well, me.” “Conspiring with the cameramen already, Chris?” A new voice spoke up. “It’s a bit early in the competition for that, don’t you think?” The camera zoomed out to show that a dark-skinned girl with a side-swept pixie cut was standing beside the host. She had a round face with big, dark eyes, and she was easily the shortest contestant so far even with her heels on. Her violet shirt was embellished with rhinestone studs, which perfectly matched her monogrammed luggage set. “Oh, when did you get off the-” Chris looked over his shoulder to see that the bus had already left, having run over its own bumper in the process. “Never mind. This is Monique, this season’s fashionista.” “When my designs go international, I’m not going to need an introduction.” Monique proclaimed as she joined the other contestants. “She’s got a huge ego for somebody so little.” Chris muttered as the third and final bus arrived at the curb. Its doors creaked open to reveal an attractive girl striking a dramatic pose behind them. “Of course, here comes Diva Number Two.” The young woman had an hourglass body shape that was straight out of every man’s fantasies, her short skirt and low-cut shirt showcasing her legs and another pair of shapely assets. Her brown hair was cut into medium-length layers that were lightly feathered around her face, and her makeup was perfectly applied on her upturned eyes and high cheekbones. After holding her pose for a set amount of time, the stunner stepped down onto the pavement and let out a sigh of relief. “I swear that something must have died in there.” Her voice had a hint of a Jersey accent. “I’m pretty sure that bus has the worst stench that I’ve ever smelled.” “That’s the lovely scent of public transportation, Avery.” Chris let out a dry laugh. “At least that’s what I’ve heard. I’ve never actually had the joy of dealing with strange scents on buses since I’m a celebrity and all.” “Well, enjoy your fame while you can, Chris, because after I’m on the show it’ll be my face on the magazine covers.” Avery replied. “I already rule over my school, so I don’t think I’ll have any trouble becoming the queen of the tabloids.” “Ugh. Barf.” A girl with dyed scarlet hair left the bus making the “gag me with a spoon” opened mouth and hand gesture. She had dark, round eyes and thick brows, and her black, red, and plaid punk-inspired ensemble coordinated well with the shade of her hair. Unlike the other girls, she had a stocky build that only looked stockier with the chunky, knee-high combat boots that she wore. “What’s the matter,” Avery sneered, “did you get a chance to look at your outfit in the mirror? It’s definitely making me gag.” “Sorry, I don’t take fashion advice from someone whose cleavage outshines her personality.” “Ugh, please don’t put me on the same team as her.” Avery picked up her bags and strutted towards the other contestants. “Meet Allison, the daredevil who apparently knows how to make an entrance.” Chris introduced. The scarlet-haired girl mock-bowed for the camera before joining her fellow contestants, notably standing on the opposite side of the group from Avery. Another contestant stepped off the bus and quickly noticed the tension in the air judging by the devious expression on his face. “Whoa, did I miss a chick fight or something?” “If you did then it was the lamest one I’ve ever seen.” Zack replied, his arms crossed in disappointment. “Damn.” The newcomer adjusted a grimy gray backpack on his shoulder before he stepped off the bus. He was a bit short but handsome in a grungy, devil may care type of way with shaggy, dirty blond hair and a square jaw. He was dressed rather carelessly in a gray sweatshirt and ripped jeans, though this matched his overall demeanor. “Fingers crossed that by the end of the season we’ll end up seeing a fight between her and her.” He pointed at Irina and then Avery. “Preferably it’ll be mud wrestling. Clothing optional.” “I think you might’ve just earned the show hundreds of male viewers, Isaac.” Chris commented, giving him a pat on the back when he passed by him. “Pleasure doing business with you, Chris.” Isaac replied with a smug smirk on his face. Irina rolled her eyes when he walked past her, and Avery opened her mouth to snap at him, but she was interrupted by a yelp and some crashing from inside the bus. “Dude, what do you think you’re doing?” “I don’t think it’s that hard to figure out.” “Get your lighter away from my guitar!” “Come on, man! I just wanted to see if it was flammable!” All eyes (well, almost all, as Robert was distracted by a plane flying overhead) were on the bus, where a lanky boy darted down the steps. He was so distracted with looking over his shoulder that he ran straight past Chris and into the distracted Robert. The footballer was set off balance and bumped into Minerva, who knocked into Victor, which started a domino effect of stumbling contestants. “Nice job, Stretch!” Allison laughed when seeing all the contestants on the ground with her. The newcomer nervously ran a hand through his overgrown light brown bangs. “Stretch” was a nickname that definitely fit his appearance, as he matched Robert in height but had a skinny, gangly build. He was a musician judging by the broken record printed on his shirt and the guitar slung over his shoulder, though his awkwardness had created a rather off-key entrance. “I see you’ve all met Wes.” Chris cackled. “I’m so sorry, guys.” Wes apologized as the other competitors got to their feet. “I guess I was a little distracted. There’s a crazy guy with a lighter on the bus who-” “Hey, whoa, watch the language. I think you meant ‘a guy with a lighter and a great personality.’” Another boy stepped off the bus and tossed a red cigarette lighter around in the air. He had angular cheekbones with a skin tone that suggested Latino blood, and his black hair was spiked up in a shape that resembled a cartoonish flame. “Just keep your lighter away from my guitar.” Wes demanded. “Fire and wood don’t exactly mix well, and there’s no way I can afford a new one.” The newcomer put up both his hands in a motion of surrender. “Chill, man, I won’t light it if it means that much to you.” “Meet Angel!” Chris introduced. “He’s our Puerto Rican pyromaniac, but he oddly enough isn’t our craziest contestant.” “Hey, watch where you’re throwing that word around.” Angel repeated his earlier statement. “I just have an unusual hobby, that’s all.” “Who could be crazier than a pyro?” Elena asked. “Oh my god, oh my god!” Minerva rocked back and forth excitedly. “It’s Izzy, isn’t it?” Chris snickered. “Not exactly-” “Hellooooooooo everybody!” A dreamy voice rang out in a sing-song tone. Standing on the bus steps was a pale girl with white-blonde hair. She had a round face and green doe eyes, and her lips were parted in a blissed out grin. She wore a pink shirt with the shoulders cut out of it, and she had two bags of luggage in tow that had various art supplies hanging from them. The pale-haired girl pranced down the steps and did a twirl when she reached the pavement. “It’s so beautiful here! I bet when the sun sets, it’ll cast a lovely array of colors!” “That’d be from pollution.” Chris commented dryly. “It doesn’t matter how the color got there, just that it is there.” The girl started to hum and dance in circles. “If it wasn’t obvious enough, Ophelia is an artist who just flew in from Looney Land.” Chris explained as she pirouetted past him. “I’ve never heard of Looney Land. I’m actually from Wisconsin!” Ophelia made a circle with one of her arms, which accidentally sent a tube of paint flying out of her bag and through the air. The artistic projectile was headed straight towards the final contestant that was stepping off the bus. Ophelia gasped in fright as the paint neared his face, but the newcomer reached a hand up and snatched the tube out of the air when it was barely an inch from his nose. “I believe this is yours.” The newcomer was slightly bowlegged but walked with a near inhuman grace when he approached Ophelia. He had dark skin, close-cut brown hair, and a strong jaw, though his light gray eyes were almost femininely beautiful. He had strong shoulders beneath his black shirt, and he was pulling a black suitcase that was printed with the symbols of the four standard card suits. “Oh, thank you.” Ophelia gingerly took the paint from his hand. “I didn’t mean to throw it at you.” “Oh, I know you didn’t.” Though his words seemed genuine, there was something calculating behind the new arrival’s lovely eyes. “Last but not least, we have Sebastian!” Chris gestured towards the newcomer as the bus started up again. The vehicle left a thick cloud of smoke behind as it pulled away from the film lot, leaving the host and the contestants choking and coughing. When he managed to wave most of the smoke away, Chris leaned off-camera and whispered, “You’re going to edit that out, right?” to a cameraman before turning to the rest of the cast. “Welcome to McLean Studios, your home for the next few weeks! If you’ll all just follow me, I’ll give you a mini-tour.” Chris headed deeper into the film studios, and the contestants gathered their belongings and trailed after him, some immediately regretting that they had brought so many pieces of luggage. When the fans tried to tag along, the host turned sharply on his heel to glare at them. “Not you guys. I know you’re all the grand winners of a million different ‘exclusive’ sweepstakes to see the filming of the pilot episode, but your journey of a lifetime ends here.” The fans groaned in unison, though the sadistic host relished in the disappointment. A few burly security guards walked out from behind a nearby set and forced the spectators back. A few contestants looked on in sympathy, but they soon had to keep moving to avoid losing the rest of the group. “McLean Studios is filled with movie sets that were used in past productions.” Chris narrated as they walked through a perfect replica of the Roman Coliseum before it started to crumble. “This lot used to be owned by a pretty major production company, so you might recognize a few places from your favorite flicks. We’ve got every set you can dream of-” “Is there a space set?” Zack interrupted. Chris scowled at him. “Yes, but don’t inter-” “What about a high school?” Risty questioned. The host sighed. “Yes, but it’s my turn to ta-” “Oooh, is there a castle?” Minerva asked. “Or a prison or a swamp or a stage or a-” Chris turned around and clamped a hand over the redhead’s mouth. “Yes, but for God’s sake, shut up.” Minerva started to talk again, but Chris kept his hand in place to block out the sound. Eventually, the loudmouth stopped babbling and gave the host a nod to indicate that she’d caught on. “Much better.” Chris retracted his hand and continued along with his tour. He eventually guided the contestants past a set of stairs that led down to what looked like an amphitheater. “You might think it looks pretty, but this is a location that will be filled with shocks, betrayals, and heartfelt goodbyes. This is the site where your elimination ceremonies, the Team’s Choice Awards, will take place, so it’s where all but one of you will be sent packing.” A few contestants exchanged nervous looks at the thought of being sent home, though they were unable to linger long because the host had continued on his merry way towards another set. Chris was reciting a spiel that was probably pre-written judging by his lack of enthusiasm, though nobody was listening anyway, instead being distracted by the beautiful sets around them. The host seemed to have been true to his word when he said that they had every set imaginable. The tour finally stopped near the center of the film set. In front of the group stood a three-story tall building with red double doors marking its entrance. This structure was unique from the other more standard buildings they had passed because the entire front wall of its second and third floors was made of glass windows. Chris held his arms out with pride. “Welcome to your new home!” The group immediately burst into cheers, as most of them had expected that they’d be forced to try to sleep in the swamp set or something. Only Gabe and Elena seemed unimpressed, both giving the building an uninterested eye roll. “This is nothing.” Gabe sneered. “My summer cottage is bigger than this.” “Okay then, how’s about the other contestants live here and you go try to sleep in a back alley in Major City?” Chris suggested. The rich kid’s snobby expression quickly changed to a forced smile. “No, no, this is good!” Holding his head high in satisfaction, Chris led the contestants through the front doors. “We’ll be calling this building The Hotel because its purpose is the same as a hotel’s: provide a room for you until you’re forced to leave. Here we have the lobby.” The group filed into the first room of the building, which had high ceilings and a fountain in the center of the tiled floor. There were several armchairs, couches, and coffee tables along both sides of the room, with a fireplace against the left wall. A desk covered in papers and folders was placed in the middle of the back wall of the room, a sign reading “CLOSED” propped a top of it, and hallways to the left and right of the desk led deeper into the building. “Whoever manages this lobby needs to be fired.” Elena commented, placing her hands on her hips. “There isn’t even a receptionist at the front desk. Harks Hotels would never leave a guest without service.” “That’s because it’s not for you, bra.” Chris said. “It’s an info desk for the cameramen and other crew because they keep getting lost on this huge lot. You’ll never have to use it.” Elena didn’t seem satisfied with the answer, but the host didn’t seem to care as he walked down the right passage. “The doors in these two hallways lead to a ton of other rooms, but you can explore those on your own time. One thing that is important though,” Chris opened up a door on his right. “There’s a confessional here!” The contestants took turns peeking into the little room. “Um, isn’t this a janitor’s closet?” Angel asked. “Not anymore it isn’t.” Chris laughed. Confession Cam Isaac: “So far I’ve gotten a nice place to live, a few hot girls to admire, and a chance at a million bucks.” The slacker leaned back and propped his arms behind his head. “I’d say this is a pretty sweet deal.” Gabe: “Okay, what the hell is this?” He glanced around the room with his face scrunched up in displeasure. “How dare they force me to sit in this dump to express my opinion? Do they know who I am?” Ophelia: “This film lot is lovely! So many of the sets are just begging to be painted!” The pale girl took a good whiff of the air around her. “Oh, and this confessional smells like lemon-scented cleaning products. How delightful!” Josh: The golden-haired hunk sat with wide eyes and a dropped jaw. After remaining frozen in this position for a minute, he finally whispered, “There’s a camera in here too?” “Both the left and right hallways,” Chris continued his speech, “lead to the cafeteria and kitchen, where we’re going now.” The host opened the double doors in front of him to reveal a room that was much nicer and cleaner than the Mess Hall back at Camp Wawanakwa, though the basic set-up was still the same. There were two long rectangular tables on either side of the room, each with about a dozen chairs around them. A few smaller tables were set up in front of the large windows that spanned the back wall, the view looking out on the sets behind The Hotel. To the right was a counter to serve food at, with the swinging door beside it bearing a label that indicated that it was the kitchen. “So a nice cafeteria means nice food, right?” Wes assumed. “No camp food or airline peanuts?” Chris clicked his tongue twice. “See, that’s one of the catches to living in The Hotel, but the food isn’t exactly my department, so I think I’ll direct you to a seasoned professional. Come on out, Chef!” The kitchen door slammed open to reveal the familiar hulking form of Chef Hatchet. His nostrils were flared and his single eyebrow was furrowed in a glare as he stomped into the cafeteria. “Maggots!” He bellowed. “I won’t be cookin’ your food this season.” The contestants began to cheer in their taste buds’ honor. “ … You will.” The cheering immediately ceased. “I’ve come back to the show not to be your cook, but to be a supervisor and medic. I ain’t cookin’ nothin’ for you. I’ll just be keepin’ an eye on you to make sure you don’t accidentally kill anyone.” Chef pulled a paper from his apron and handed it over to Chris. “Another catch that I’ll mention while we’re on the subject is that you’re kind of on lockdown.” The host explained. “You’re free to wander through any set that isn’t blocked off during the day, but you can’t leave The Hotel at night unless you manage to sneak past the security guards that’ll be planted in front of the door and patrolling the sets. We had to up the security because of the rabid fans and paparazzi that might be lurking about. Some hack from a media magazine did some snooping and upped the show’s media profile, so those guys will do anything to get a piece of you.” A few of the contestants had expressions of horror at the thought of being literally ripped apart by fan girls, though Elena smiled in joy. Josh’s face turned ghostly white and he rushed to hide behind the nearest contestant. That contestant was unfortunately Zack, who was a full head shorter than him and left the Texan exposed. “Is there anything good about staying in The Hotel, or is it all one big catch?” Zack asked, ignoring the cowardly farmer that was hiding behind him. “No, it’s actually a pretty nice place, I swear!” Chris promised. “There’re plenty more tricks coming up in the competition to make up for it, though. Like this one: leave your bags here, because you’re heading off to your first challenge!” Confession Cam Zack: “I guess we should’ve figured that we’d be thrown right into a challenge, but dang, he couldn’t have given us some time to scope the place out? I’m not really sure that some of my inventions can stay cooped up in my luggage for much longer!” Chris had led the now luggage-less contestants through the doors of a rather nondescript gray building, which led straight into a backstage area. Bright lights shone from beneath the heavy red curtain at the back of the area, the sound of hushed voices carrying from behind it. There were a few members of the camera crew and sound team milling about, but otherwise the host and twenty-two contestants were the only people in the cluttered space. “In true reality show fashion, I’ll be separating you into two teams. I’d recommend you try not to be a Heather and make them all hate you, because otherwise you’re not going to be lasting very long if you guys are sent to elimination.” Chris pulled out the paper that Chef had handed him earlier and started reading off of it. “First we’ll have The Oscars: Paul, Cara, Josh, Avery, Angel, Robert, Camille, Isaac, Irina, Eric, and … Allison.” The eleven contestants gathered to the host’s left and gave each other a once over. “This is going to be so much fun!” Cara exclaimed. “Yeah, fun.” Isaac tried to slip his arms around the waists of Irina and Avery, though both beauties jerked away in disgust. “The other team will be The Emmys!” The handsome host announced. “If you haven’t figured it out yet, that’ll be the rest of you: Risty, Monique, Ophelia, Elena, Zack, Sebastian, Minerva, Gabe, Victor, Donna, and Wes.” “I really think you should have put the most important people first.” Elena protested. “He did. That’s why I'' was first.” Risty joked. “You’ll be eating those words.” The hotel heiress threatened the athlete. “You might want to wait a sec before you pounce.” Chris suggested. “Save the drama for when you’re on stage!” At the host’s words, the red curtain opened to reveal a cheering studio audience sitting front of a stage. Four people sat in chairs on the stage with their backs facing the contestants. “Your first challenge is going to be surviving your fifteen minutes of fame … ''literally. All you have to do is keep the audience entertained through a fifteen minute interview. If fifteen minutes pass and you’re still on stage, you earn a point for your team, but if the audience gets bored with you …” The audience members all pressed a button the arm of their chairs and the sound of a buzzer rang through the air. “Um, I think the cowboy just fainted.” Angel remarked as Josh collapsed onto the ground beside him. Avery pushed the pyromaniac aside and stepped over the farmer’s unconscious body to get to the front of the group. “This will be easy. Who wouldn’t want to listen to me talk for fifteen minutes?” Behind her, Allison confidently raised her hand in the air, though the drama queen didn’t notice. “Easy? Oh, I must not have mentioned the very special guests who will be interviewing you.” Chris smirked as a spotlight shone down on the first chair. “Our first interviewer is a supermodel and a business woman. As if that wasn’t enough, she’s also the hostess of America’s Future Beauty Queen and a bit of a nut ball. Please welcome … Tina Blanks!” The chair spun around to reveal a very beautiful and very familiar face. Tina Blanks’ caramel colored hair fell in perfect waves around her strong cheekbones, and she complimented her mocha skin with a vermillion dress. “Some of you are looking totally ferocious today!” Her face lit up when she shouted her signature catchphrase, though her expression darkened a split second later. “But some of you could definitely use a makeover.” “Our next host,” Chris started as the spotlight shifted to the chair beside Tina, “is a stand-up comedienne whose jokes are only outshone by her sweet dance moves! She’s the host of The Helen D’Angelo Show, please welcome … Helen D’Angelo!” “Hey, everybody!” Helen let out a nasally laugh and spun her chair around, letting it twirl in circles before stopping to look at the contestants. “Jeez, judging by the looks on your faces I’d think you saw a monster … or Chris McLean.” The comedienne with the boy-short blonde hair shrugged. “Oh wait, they’re the same thing!” “Terrible joke, move along!” Chris ordered the spotlight to shine away from Helen and onto the next chair. “It’s hard to find words that can properly describe our next guest, so let’s just say she makes a ridiculous amount of money and could rule the world if she wanted to. Please welcome … Opal Winfrey!” The chair turned around to show a face that nobody failed to recognize, and Opal gave a bright smile to the contestants. She reached down into the bag that was sitting at her feet and pulled out a much smaller bag, tossing it to Chris. “Everyone who gets interviewed by me gets a bag of my favorite things!” “Ooh, I get one too?!” Chris exclaimed when he caught the goodie bag. “Of course!” Opal spun her chair back around to face the audience. “In fact, everyone gets a gift!” The audience broke into cheers as the spotlight shifted to the final chair. “Our last hostess is best known for her gig on a national talk show every weekday.” Chris introduced as he dug through his gift bag. “Please welcome-” “Not so fast!” The studio doors slammed open and a familiar curly-haired reporter descended the stairs that led through the audience. “''I'' will be the final hostess.” “Who’re you?” Chris pondered. “Who am I''?” The blonde stepped onto the stage. “I am Rachel Claire, head of RealityGossip Magazine, and you have granted me inside coverage on this show.” “Oh, right, you.” The host waved his hand in a pish-posh manner before digging it back into Opal’s bag of treats. “I was supposed to get the first interviews with the contestants when they got off the bus, but I didn’t even make it that far!” Rachel Claire shouted. “Instead, I was trampled by rabid fans before I could get one foot onto the film lot! I think you owe me!” “You can’t do that!” The unrevealed hostess in the final chair protested. “Um, actually she can.” Chris grimaced. “We have a contract, and I’m not getting into any lawsuits. So she’s the final host and you’re toast.” “''What?!” A trap door opened beneath the chair and the mystery hostess fell through the floor with a scream. An intern walked onstage with a new chair, and Rachel Claire took the seat. “With this unexpected twist, we have our first challenge!” Chris looked directly at the camera. “Who will be able to take the terrible talk show hostesses, and who will cave under the pressure? Who will be the competition’s first loser? What is in my gift bag from Opal? Find out when we return from commercial break on Total … Drama … Island: For Your Entertainment!” <<< Previous Chapter | Next Chapter >>> Category:Chapters